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Saturday, February 25, 2017

Another Goodbye.............

Bryson AKA Ronan is leaving tomorrow.  Going back home with his birth mom.   So here I am, once again, saying goodbye to this sweet boy that I love.  First time when he was a month old, and now, at almost 11.

Bryson is hard.  Bryson has severe autism.   He doesn't like noise.  He doesn't like busyness.  He doesn't like little kids who annoy him.  He eats only a few types of food.  He hates school.  He doesn't accept authority from men, including Dale.  My household has been in chaos these past few months, as we all try to adjust to him, and allow him to adjust to us.  There have been some very, very difficult times.  But there have been a lot of really awesome times!

Bryson is fascinated with old cars.  He can tell you the make, model, and year of almost every car he sees.  He can draw logos from memory, and he is really good at it.  He loves to collect rocks and will spend hours admiring their beauty.  Bryson doesn't smile much, but when he does, it is priceless!  Bryson loves animals.  Bryson loves clouds, and can tell you the names of the different ones.  Bryson is unique, and that is refreshing!  He is fiercely loyal to Rory, even when Rory is being a brat to him.

I have asked his birthmother if we can kind of "co-parent".  She can keep him during the week, and I can pick him up and keep him on the weekends.  Hoping we can have him over the summer, and can even take him on vacation with us.  She agreed, and I pray she does allow these things.  No matter how hard he has been for us, we love him, and want to continue a relationship with him.  He is very special to me!

Lord, please help our hearts tonight, as we prepared to let Bryson go again.  It is not any easier this time than it was last time.  Lord, please protect him, grow him, and let him know in his little heart how much we love him.  Let him know he is smart, and special.  Please let us see him again, often, and let our relationship grow and grow.  Thank you for the time we have had with Bryson.  The good and the bad.  Please help us mostly remember the good.
In your sweet name, Amen.


Thursday, February 9, 2017

Daley Faith

I love this girl, Daley.  She is my peace.  She calms my storm.  She loves me when I'm grouchy, she loves me when I'm down.  She never argues with me.  She never wants more from me than to simply love her.  She smiles just when I need it most.  She snuggles into me when I am sad and lonely.  I truly feel close to God when I am close to her.  I simply cannot imagine my life without her.   She was one of the best decisions our family has ever made.

It wasn't always like this.  When she was born, she was SO difficult.  She cried most of the time she was awake.  She rarely slept more than an hour or two at night.  The first few years with her are a blur of exhaustion and frustration.  A very wise doctor told me she suffered from "neurological irritability", and that it would settle down by the time she turned 3.  It took a little longer than that, but she rarely cries now, and she is very content.  This peaceful nature she has now was worth every sleepless night.

My sweet Daley-girl has been really sick.   In December, she got a virus, and it almost took her life.  She was in the PICU for a week.  And this past week she has been very sick again.  Several times all of her vitals have crashed, and caused absolute panic in my heart.  It has forced me to stop and consider how fragile her life is.  And it made me have such mixed feelings.  I cannot stand the thought of losing her.  But I  know that when she see Jesus, she will be able to run to Him, speak to Him, stand straight and hold her head high.....all things she has never been able to do.  I cannot wait for her to taste and enjoy food, to get grass stain on her little jeans.  To actually wear out her clothes!  Because I know Jesus, and I believe His Word, I know that when she meets him, she will leave her broken body behind.  She wont need the VP shunt, the Vagal Nerve Stimulator, the feeding tube, the SP tube.  She wont need her back brace or her leg braces.  Her wheelchair, her bath chair.  These things will not be needed, because she will be made perfect and whole!  I will be so happy for her!  But so broken for me.

Please pray for me.  This is hard.   When she was little, I used to have 2 very different dreams over and over.  The first was an amazing dream.  I would wake up in the morning, to her standing at her crib, calling my name in a beautiful, clear voice.  A MIRACLE!   Can you only imagine the countless people who would come to serve the Lord after seeing such a miracle???   The second dream was when I would wake up to find that she had passed in her sleep.  And here I am, caught in the middle of these two dreams.

I love this girl.  She has changed my heart forever.  She has made me a better person, a better mom, a better servant.

God bless you friends.  Hug your kids!