My absolute JOY!

Our latest photo......all of the most amazing, beloved people in my life.  I love them all so much.  I cannot imagine what I could possibly have done for God to bless me so much!

Back row:  Brianna, Keagan, Patrick, Brittany,Timothy, and Bronwyn

Middle Row: Rory, MengYan and Tobin

Front: Dale, Daley Faith, and me (Ann)

In the photos are Brian (who was hospitalized during this photo), and Wen and Wu, who aren't home with us yet......they are waiting in China!

The Story of Brian

Hello friends.  If you have followed my blog at all, you know about our struggles with Brian.  We adopted Brian last year, as a very scared, very abused and neglected tween, who suffered from mental retardation, autism, PTSD, ADHD, and bi-polar disorder.  His time with us has been more than challenging.  But, we KNOW we felt God calling us to be his parents.

This week, Brian had another serious rage, and he attacked Dale at his therapy appointment, as well as at home.  When Patrick and Brittany tried to calm him, he attacked them both as well.  His rages continue to grow more volatile, more aggressive, and more dangerous.  Brian is only 13, but he is 190#, 5"10, and very strong.   When the police arrived, they escorted Brian to St. Mary's Hospital, for a psych evaluation.  I thought it would be best for me to follow, since Brian's rages have been aimed at Dale lately.  Not good.  He rose up off the bed twice to come after me, which was very scary, since I was locked in the room with him.  I am scared of him.  The kids are scared of him.  When he begins to rage, the kids run for cover, and Dale and I brace ourselves for the worst.

We are to the point of making choices for Brian's future.  We were advised last month, that Brian is a danger to others, and that he should be placed in a residential treatment facility instead of bringing him back home.  Everyone involved has serious concerns over Brian hurting one of the younger children.  Especially since this has already happened several times in the past.  But we just weren't ready for that hard move, and we elected to change his medications, and bring him back home.  We now have come to the realization that he cannot come back home.  The docs involved with Brian, feel he has schizophrenia, and must have 24hour treatment/care, in a facility that can keep him safe to himself and others.  We have applied to several organizations who offer assistance to families needing to place a child in a residential treatment facility, but cannot afford it.  We have been denied by every single one.  Costs per year are about $87,000.  So, what do we do?

We are meeting with all of the folks involved in Brian's care on Tuesday afternoon.  We are also meeting with social workers from DCFS.  We are planning to ask DCFS to take permanent custody of Brian, but allow us to continue our parental relationship with him.  This is truly the only way we can find, that would get him the care he needs, and keep all of us safe.  And it sucks.  And I hate that word.  But, it does.

So, you don't hear very often about the ugly side of adoption.  The side where it doesn't go like you planned.  The side where you wonder if you really did hear God asking you to adopt this child, and where you feel like a failure as a parent, when you cannot reach this child, no matter what you do.  But....all that being said, I trust God.  I don't know what the future holds for Brian, but I do know that I sat with Brian as Pastor Tim Crump led him to Christ.  I watched him  be baptized.  I know that Brian wants to do the right thing, but this mental illness has ravaged him to the point where he cannot think rationally.  So, I am putting Brian into God's hands, and I am trusting Him to take care of him, and to heal him, since I cannot.  And I am trusting God to bring peace and joy back into my home, because it has been a dark place lately.  And I am trusting God, that DCFS will understand our situation, and be willing to work with us, instead of condemn us.  And I am trusting God, that you, my friends, will also try too understand, and not condemn us.  This is so hard.  

Blessings,
Ann

Vacation!

We had such an amazing vacation!  spent a week on Hilton Head Island, with my daughter, son-in-law, grandson, and Meng's BFF from China, and her amazing family!  It was a much needed break from the normal McKinney craziness!

Brian is doing well, his behaviors are much improved, and now it is Daley's turn to give me fits!  She has had a crazy amount of scary seizures this past few weeks, but hoping a new med will keep them down.

We have decided to enroll Keagan, Bronwyn, Brittany and Brianna in Decatur Christian School.  We are excited and nervous!  14 years of homeschooling.......and now this huge change.  Seems our life is full of changes lately!

Wen and Wu.......well, let's just say I am getting SO excited!  Today I bought them each another outfit, and also washed the clothing that I have put back for them already.  I need to do some decorating in their bedroom, to finish it up!

That's all I have time for today.  Except to mention that today I turned FORTY EIGHT!
Man, that seems so old.  How on earth has my life gone so fast?   Friends, take time to do what is important!  Love your family and friends, and serve our Lord.  Get rid of time-wasters in your life.  Life is too short to waste it!

God Bless!!

Summer is ALMOST here!

Hello friends!
   Well, we have TWO days of school left!  This has been a rough week....I think the kids think that summer vacation has already started!  LOL  We are leaving on Friday to head to Hilton Head Island, our favorite vacation spot in the entire world!  We are meeting my daughter, son-in-law, and grandson there, as well as Meng's bff from China!  It should be a GREAT week!

    Our paperwork for Wen and Wu is moving right along.  We got our USCIS (Immigration) paperwork ahead of schedule, and just today went the last dossier document to our agency.  All of this will be put together, and sent to China on Friday!  And then we wait for China to sent us the "Letter Seeking Confirmation".  I am thinking we should be heading to China by September!

    Brian is doing better.  We had a very rough few weeks.  Brian had an aggressive rage about 3 weeks ago, and spent quite a bit of time in a mental hospital.  There were some very tense moments, when we questioned our parenting abilities, and the safety of our family, during his rages.  But, he is home....and doing much better.  We have been praying that God would heal him completely, or use medication to bring healing to his mind, which is ravaged by mental illness.  I am hopeful that God has answered our prayers, and that we are through this dark time.  He is a good boy....he is just confused, abused, and paranoid.  He cannot just understand that we love him, and just want to help him!  But, with God's help, I know this can work!

    Timmy is back with us.  Patrick graduates from MTI on June 14th!  Danyne just graduated from ONU, and is heading to AZ, where she will be working on a Navajo reservation.  Keagan, Britt, Brianna, and Bron are VERY happy to be almost done with school!  We are considering a change for them next year, by placing them in a private Christian school.  They are both excited and nervous about this idea.  No decisions yet, still praying about it!

     Toby, Rory, and Meng are LOVING our new trampoline~  What a great way to get some exercise!  And Daley is growing like a weed, and absolutely LOVING her gravy and mashed potatoes!

   And Dale's big news is his new job!  He just accepted a position with DMH's neurosurgery department.  He will be making more $, less call time, closer to home, and hopefully a little less stress.  He begins on July 7.  I am excited for him!  He will literally be 6 minutes from home!

   Well, I think that is all the updates for now.    Oh, except that I forgot that my baby sister has caught the adoption bug!  She and her hub, Erech, are hosting a Chinese orphan, "Roy" for a month over the summer.  And they are already asking about the adoption process!   God is good!

Blessings to you all!
Enjoy these new pics!

What would Jesus Do?

Yes, I know that is an outdated cliche, but it is exactly what comes to mind today.

This morning, we went to St. Louis, for our federal fingerprinting, for the twin's adoption.  On the way home, we went to Collinsville, to let Britt and Brianna show us a part of their life we don't know much about.  We went to the library where they spent most of their free time.  We ate at their favorite restaurant, Bert's Chuck Wagon (which was VERY good).  We went to a park they played in, and visited the GIANT ketchup bottle.  And then Britt wanted us to take her to her trailer, where she lived.  And then Britt wanted to get out, and say hello to her birthmother and grandmother.  So, with lots of anxiety, we let her.

She wasn't there long.  But she was very sad when she came out.  She said there was an eviction notice on the door.  She said the floor was falling in, and the house was filthy.  She said both her birthmother and her birth grandmother looked very unkept and unhealthy.  She quickly realized that most of the things her birth mom has been telling her are simply lies.  She was very sad.  She said, "Mom, we have to help them".  And I agree.  Sort of.

This is hard for me.  These 2 woman abused my kids.  They beat them, neglected them.  Allowed them to be sexually abused.  Made them watch horror movies and laughed when they got scared.  They even laughed as they beat my children.  Birthmom had "physical" relations with her various boyfriends in front of my kids, so my kids lost their naivety at a very early age.  They have tried each year, to claim my children on their taxes, so they could gain more of a refund.  I truly, with all of my heart, believe that Brian is the way he is today, because of the abuse and neglect that he lived with in his 10 years in that home.  Not long ago, they made comments about "coming after Bria" (their little sister), even though her adoption is complete and final.  I harbor a lot of anger toward those 2 women.
The hurt my kids over and over, and then handed them to me, and let me try to undo the damage.  Which is a lifelong mission.

But.....all this being said, WHAT WOULD JESUS DO.  He would forgive them, and try to help them.  I think that is what I need to do.  But it's gonna be really hard.  And I am not even sure where to start. So, waiting on God to nudge me in the right direction.  Which, I know He will.  *sigh*  God bless!

Happy Resurrection Day!

Our God lives!   I love Easter, although it is hard for me.  Dale always wants to watch Passion of the Christ, and although I LOVE the message, I hate the beating and the crucifixion.  It is SO hard for me to think about Jesus enduring this punishment that He didn't deserve, but I did.  I cannot stand the thought of anyone getting hurt.  And dying.  But He did this, for me, for you, for all of us!  Whew!

It has been a good week.  Brian came home on Tuesday.  He is doing well.  We changed his meds around, changed many of the things we do at home to accommodate for him, and we are getting lots of help.  Tomorrow he has an eval at Heritage Mental Health Center.  Tues we go back to visit his psychiatrist, and Wednesday we meet with our family therapist for the first time.  So far, he has had no rages or arguing.  He had a very unpleasant time at the hospital, and was picked on a lot.  He does not want to go back there.  And we are hoping that alone will be enough to curb his rages.  I talked at length with a friend who is having similar issues with her son, who has been home 3 years now.  As much as I love adoption, there is this side of it.  The ugly side, where it doesn't work out so well.  But, I know our God is the almighty Healer and the God of Restoration, and I am praying for both in both of our situations.  I know God does not want either of these boys to be alone, without the love and support of a family.

We got new pics and an update on the twins!  They look great!  And it sounds like they are doing very well!  We go for our fingerprinting appt on the 29th, so things are moving along quickly.  We have to have our dossier in China by June 10, but I think we should make it with no problem.  There is this pretty cool timeline going on with our adoptive families right now~!   Stines are traveling in April, Laws are traveling in May, Powells should travel by June, Browns should travel by July, and we should be traveling by Aug!  This means for the next few months, we will welcome a child home each month!  This is awesome!  Praising God!

The other kids are doing great!  Bronwyn is excelling at gymnastics!  There is a flip she has been trying to master for months, and she has GOT IT!  Britt joined the praise band, Toby is finally over his sickle cell issues.  Meng and Rory are LOVING exploring the neighborhood on their bikes.  Brianna is learning to play our new piano.  Brian is thrilled to be home and back to school.  And Keagan is figuring out his way though the bike trail, and spending a lot of time with Timmy, who is staying with us through the remainder of the school year.  Patrick graduates on June 14, and will be saying goodbye to Kmart, which I think he will enjoy!  LOL

And Daley.  I know this is a long blog already, but I gotta share this.  On the night that Brian went nuts on us, I was home in bed alone.  I began to shake, and my heart began racing.  I felt like my heart was going to explode in my chest.  I have never felt this way before, but looking back, I think I was having some sort of an anxiety or stress attack.  I began to pray for God to end this horrible feeling, and then Daley began to cry in her bed.  I was angry.  I thought, "Really, God?  I cannot take care of myself right now, and now I have to take care of Daley?"  I got up and brought her to bed with me.  And the very minute we laid down, she snuggled up to me, closer than she ever has before.  She nestled her head into my chest, and immediately my anxiety stopped.  Gone!  Over!  Wow!  And then I Cried.  All of the countless nights I have cared for her, through seizures, through ear aches, through muscle pain, were worth every minute, for that one night she cared for me.  She is SO special to me!  My life will never be the same because of that little princess!

Blessings my friends!

Peace and Hope

Well, it is Sunday morning, and I would LOVE to be in Kidville at church right now, but instead, I sit waiting for the AAA guy to come unlock my van (the keys are inside).  Everyone else piled into Dale and Patrick's cars, so Daley and I are just sitting here alone, watching her favorite, ELMO!

It has been a good week.  Things have calmed down.  Dale and I had a good visit and phone call with Brian yesterday.  We know there are things he has to do differently and there are things we have to do differently.  We are trying everything we can, and hanging onto the HOPE that God will work out the things we have no clue about.  

We mailed off our USCIS paperwork last Friday, and received notice that it was received from the lockbox on Thursday.  Praying for a speedy fingerprint appt, and a quick pre approval!  We have also requested updates and photos of the twins!  That would be awesome!

Otherwise, things are clicking along.  We have just about 6 weeks of school left, and also 6 weeks until we all take a much needed vacation!  Dale is still working too much, and working too hard, but he has had an opportunity for a new position come up.  There is a local doc who is needed a PA in his neuro-surgery practice.  Praying God puts Dale exactly where he wants him!  But it is sure nice to have options!

Well, good news, the AAA guy just got here, and the keys are in my hand!  God is good, the man was nice, and this was easier than expected!

Love you all, have a blessed week!