Thursday, March 3, 2011
Needing some Jesus
Hello people, it has been a very rough few weeks, and this post may be depressing, so feel free to skip it. Really, I am serious. My heart is breaking right now over several situations that are completely out of my control. My Daley has had a very serious, life-threatening medical crisis, and I cannot let go of the feeling that her health is so very fragile right now. I am right back to where I used to be, being AFRAID of her future. I gave this to our Lord, but somehow, I have taken it back. I thought I was so much stronger than this. I am not.
My Keagan is also struggling, mostly socially, but also academically, and more recently with some alarming, scary symptoms of Tourettes Syndrome. Praying that this is not the case, but worried all the same. Keagan is the little man that motivated me to adopt, again and again, and sometimes I feel like I have not given him enough of me. I love him so much, and I have to show it more. So I am asking the lord to give me another chance to be a better mother to him. Thank you Lord, that you are the King of second chances! :)
Through Daley and Keagan's struggles, I have reached a conclusion. As much as I feel called to adopt another child, I cannot. I don't totally understand why God gave me this heart that breaks for His children who are family-less, but at this point, I can do nothing more than advocate. I am so stretched. I have to quit opening the emails about waiting kids, and I have to quit going through the lists, because I cannot simply pray for these kids without feeling moved to take it a step further. Adopting another child at this point would be detrimental to my family. They have to be my priority. But giving up my hopes for additional adoptions makes me kinda sad. :( So, someone needs to step up and take my place! :)
Other news?!?! Well, Dale found out last week that he is losing his job. His hospital has sold out to another MEGA hospital, and they will be deciding who stays and who goes. He can apply for his "old" job, but will take a $15,000 pay cut! NUTS! So, he has been applying and interviewing at every PA opening within a hours drive, and thankfully has been flooded with responses. Now he has the HUGE process of deciding which job is the best fit for our family, and which job he feels the Lord leading him to. Whew, glad it's him and not me! But, thank God he has a skill that is in demand. God, once again, is protecting our family! :)
On a much happier note, God is MOVING in our church! We had the most amazing church service EVER last week, and I cannot even think of how to describe it to you, except to say that God was right there, and we felt Him SOOOOO real! His presence has sustained me through these past weeks, although I need even more! I need to be spending more time on my knees and less time on this computer! And that is exactly my prayer. More of Jesus and less of this crappy old world.
Peace Love and Happiness, my lovies.