It has been so long since I updated this blog, that I am not even sure where to begin. But I kinda feel that instead of doing a "catch-up" post, I need to just vent.
Today God has struck me hard. In a good way, but also in a soul-wrenching way.
I have been busy. So very busy. We did adopt Teddy, brought him home in January. It has been a very good thing. Such a good thing! But we have also been in a season of struggle. Struggling with Daley, who has been battling a very serious MRSA infection since November. Struggling with Brittany, who left home, has gotten involved in some very dangerous things, and has removed McKinney from her name. Struggling as Brogan continues to denounce Christ, and all that we as a family stand for. Struggling with finding a church family. And then of course there are the normal struggles.....the boys and porn (I hate the internet for this reason), one kiddo who is stealing, sibling jealousy, financial struggles, finding enough hours in the day, and on and on.
Through this season of struggle, I have kinda gotten lost from God. I didn't mean to, it just kinda happened. Not finding or making the time for a good prayer life, or even reading the Bible as I should. I know it is wrong, and I have known it is wrong for a while, but things are just fuzzy right now, and I just cannot get it all sorted out.
And then this week happened. It has been crazy. Here are the highlights, in order of when they happened.
1. Thursday Mengs Bday! She wants to go to the Chinese buffet, which we all love, but it is SO expensive! And then a couple that Dale has helped with medical issues stops by to "pay" Dale by giving us a $100 Visa gift card. Totally unnecessary and unexpected. This pays for most of the birthday dinner!!!
2. Friday. Keagan, Brianna, and Toby went to the Dollar Tree to get snacks for a youth trip. A friend I haven't seen in quite a while saw them, and paid for all of their snacks! Im not even sure how she recognized them! I love it when others show my kids generosity and random kindness!
3. Sunday A sweet old friend from church told me he is paying for all of my kids to go to church camp. That is a LOT of money!
4. Monday The twins Bday! They want to go to Chuck E Cheese! Fun yes, expensive, Oh yes!
And two checks we were waiting for both happen to come in the mail that afternoon. And then my sweet, wonderful dad kicks in $40 toward the bill. Boom. Chuck E Cheese is paid for. And they say it was the best day of their life!
5. Tuesday Toby's birthday. It starts with an anonymous teacher leaving him a box of donuts on his locker, with a note for him that read "Do Nut forget Jesus Loves You". Made me cry! Then he wants to go the Cheddars. We all know the drill, keep it under $10 and we all drink water. And then a sweet old lady comes to tell us God asked her husband to pay for our meal and she gives Dale $100. Insane. Again, most of the meal paid for.
6. And the best happened today. Daley went in for her 12th surgery, the 4th one related to this awful MRSA infection. The infection was in some hardware in her neck, that was there for a seizure control device. Removing the hardware is dangerous, especially because it has been in so long. There was a risk of losing her vocal chords, damaging her esophagus, or puncturing her coratid artery. And if the hardware cannot be removed, the infection will be there forever. The surgery went "picture perfect", all hardware removed, no sign of infection, and we even got to come home same day, which we did not think was even a remote possibility! And she has smiled all evening.....no pain!
I am not telling you these things to brag. I am telling you these things so that you will SEE. Even though I have pushed God to the backseat, and basically have been coasting along spiritually, He has not quit blessing me! He is reaching out to ME through these events and special people! He still loves me, still cares for me and still wants to bless me despite my coldness! Why? Why would He? There are so many people so much more deserving? But then I remember what He did for me on the cross. I could certainly never deserve that either. It's grace. Unexplainable, sometimes hard to believe and accept, but pure grace. And second chances. Billions of second chances. And I will probably use most of those second chances. I am just so totally overwhelmed by this week, and all that God has done to pull me back into His arms. He is just so good.
Lord, you are SO good to me. I do not deserve it. I can never do for you all that you have done for me, but please help me try. Show me your heart with my eyes. Let me be your hands to my hurting world. Remind me, like you have this week, that you are always there, and want to be a daddy who takes care of His children. Forgive my foolishness. Help me stay focused on You and Your will.
God bless you my friends! Updates on the kids soon!
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