Sunday, June 15, 2014
The Story of Brian
Hello friends. If you have followed my blog at all, you know about our struggles with Brian. We adopted Brian last year, as a very scared, very abused and neglected tween, who suffered from mental retardation, autism, PTSD, ADHD, and bi-polar disorder. His time with us has been more than challenging. But, we KNOW we felt God calling us to be his parents.
This week, Brian had another serious rage, and he attacked Dale at his therapy appointment, as well as at home. When Patrick and Brittany tried to calm him, he attacked them both as well. His rages continue to grow more volatile, more aggressive, and more dangerous. Brian is only 13, but he is 190#, 5"10, and very strong. When the police arrived, they escorted Brian to St. Mary's Hospital, for a psych evaluation. I thought it would be best for me to follow, since Brian's rages have been aimed at Dale lately. Not good. He rose up off the bed twice to come after me, which was very scary, since I was locked in the room with him. I am scared of him. The kids are scared of him. When he begins to rage, the kids run for cover, and Dale and I brace ourselves for the worst.
We are to the point of making choices for Brian's future. We were advised last month, that Brian is a danger to others, and that he should be placed in a residential treatment facility instead of bringing him back home. Everyone involved has serious concerns over Brian hurting one of the younger children. Especially since this has already happened several times in the past. But we just weren't ready for that hard move, and we elected to change his medications, and bring him back home. We now have come to the realization that he cannot come back home. The docs involved with Brian, feel he has schizophrenia, and must have 24hour treatment/care, in a facility that can keep him safe to himself and others. We have applied to several organizations who offer assistance to families needing to place a child in a residential treatment facility, but cannot afford it. We have been denied by every single one. Costs per year are about $87,000. So, what do we do?
We are meeting with all of the folks involved in Brian's care on Tuesday afternoon. We are also meeting with social workers from DCFS. We are planning to ask DCFS to take permanent custody of Brian, but allow us to continue our parental relationship with him. This is truly the only way we can find, that would get him the care he needs, and keep all of us safe. And it sucks. And I hate that word. But, it does.
So, you don't hear very often about the ugly side of adoption. The side where it doesn't go like you planned. The side where you wonder if you really did hear God asking you to adopt this child, and where you feel like a failure as a parent, when you cannot reach this child, no matter what you do. But....all that being said, I trust God. I don't know what the future holds for Brian, but I do know that I sat with Brian as Pastor Tim Crump led him to Christ. I watched him be baptized. I know that Brian wants to do the right thing, but this mental illness has ravaged him to the point where he cannot think rationally. So, I am putting Brian into God's hands, and I am trusting Him to take care of him, and to heal him, since I cannot. And I am trusting God to bring peace and joy back into my home, because it has been a dark place lately. And I am trusting God, that DCFS will understand our situation, and be willing to work with us, instead of condemn us. And I am trusting God, that you, my friends, will also try too understand, and not condemn us. This is so hard.