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Tuesday, April 29, 2014

What would Jesus Do?

Yes, I know that is an outdated cliche, but it is exactly what comes to mind today.

This morning, we went to St. Louis, for our federal fingerprinting, for the twin's adoption.  On the way home, we went to Collinsville, to let Britt and Brianna show us a part of their life we don't know much about.  We went to the library where they spent most of their free time.  We ate at their favorite restaurant, Bert's Chuck Wagon (which was VERY good).  We went to a park they played in, and visited the GIANT ketchup bottle.  And then Britt wanted us to take her to her trailer, where she lived.  And then Britt wanted to get out, and say hello to her birthmother and grandmother.  So, with lots of anxiety, we let her.

She wasn't there long.  But she was very sad when she came out.  She said there was an eviction notice on the door.  She said the floor was falling in, and the house was filthy.  She said both her birthmother and her birth grandmother looked very unkept and unhealthy.  She quickly realized that most of the things her birth mom has been telling her are simply lies.  She was very sad.  She said, "Mom, we have to help them".  And I agree.  Sort of.

This is hard for me.  These 2 woman abused my kids.  They beat them, neglected them.  Allowed them to be sexually abused.  Made them watch horror movies and laughed when they got scared.  They even laughed as they beat my children.  Birthmom had "physical" relations with her various boyfriends in front of my kids, so my kids lost their naivety at a very early age.  They have tried each year, to claim my children on their taxes, so they could gain more of a refund.  I truly, with all of my heart, believe that Brian is the way he is today, because of the abuse and neglect that he lived with in his 10 years in that home.  Not long ago, they made comments about "coming after Bria" (their little sister), even though her adoption is complete and final.  I harbor a lot of anger toward those 2 women.
The hurt my kids over and over, and then handed them to me, and let me try to undo the damage.  Which is a lifelong mission.

But.....all this being said, WHAT WOULD JESUS DO.  He would forgive them, and try to help them.  I think that is what I need to do.  But it's gonna be really hard.  And I am not even sure where to start. So, waiting on God to nudge me in the right direction.  Which, I know He will.  *sigh*  God bless!

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